Ryan Cabrera Finds Soul, Loses Soul, Realizes His Definition of Soul Merely Extends to Color Me Badd catalog, Apologizes

About time a little more soul-driven purposeful music will be headlining the Nickelodeon Awards this year. (VH1)


Pop star assembly line. Some assembly required. Shit-eating grin not included.

France Votes No On European Constitution and Movie on TV review

I guess Western Europe is trying to stabilize a unifying mechanism that will solidify, nay enhance, their global reach...blech!

In other news, I watched the end of Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles this afternoon! Paul Hogan's lazy charm is the only reason why I fell asleep during the first hour 15 of this monstrosity of goodness. The way he so breezily floats through his lines, his action fighting sequences...his lines, well some more cynical than I might attribute it to a lazy B-movie star using his small spit-shine of past glory to stuff a phat check in his rear pocket for only a month's worth of inane, imaginatively complacent glorified read-throughs but not this kiddo mate. I see a fine fine actor making a statement through his work that for all the mad dog Mel Gibson's, the risible Russell Crowe's, there was an Australian 'OG' in the Hollywood hood and his catch line was "that's not a penis...this is a penis!" Or something like that.

Quick aside: a friend informed me Paul Hogan left his wife and three kids upon meeting the actress Linda Kozlowski on the set of the first Crocodile Dundee. So take that Brad Pitt! You and Jen didn't even have a baby yet when you split. You call that love! I know, I know...A dingo ate their baby. Hah! Not that funny.

Anyway back to the actual movie. First off in such a movie the villain is always key and I tip my hat to the choice here: Jere freaking Burns! If you don't know who that is then I guess you weren't a big fan of Judd Hirsch's post-Taxi career. Mr. Burns plays the role of Arnan Rothman who, besides clearly being the name of some extinct former Hollywood producer that pissed off one of the screenwriters, is an illegal art exporter/movie producer (wink). Well he has his grubby mits on some rare priceless art thought to have been destroyed in the Serbian war and he's shipped them to Los Angeles as movie props for a new film where in one of the scenes the art is set on fire. Except the art set on fire will actually be fakes of the priceless art he has secretly shipped to the US. I'm tired.

Anyway things ensue and it's not even important. I just want to get to the best part. The part that demands you sit through the whole rest of this mess and it happens right before the credits roll. Dundee gets married in the end to the chick he was banging behind his wives back during the filming of the first movie and she throws her bouquet up in the air. It lands in some river and an enormous croc-of-shit- excuse me- enormous crocodile launches out of the water and grabs it. Cut to: Dundee and his brother(?) nodding at each other and slowly taking off their tuxedo jackets...FREEZE FRAME. Cue the Men at Work song "Land Down Under." Roll credits. And that's a wrap. Snazzy indeed. There are some things too complete to be parodied. This is just an example. Did I mention Mike Tyson makes a cameo?


Look at the size of that...cellphone! C'mon Hogan man this ain't 1989 baby. Hows about a little realism in your press material?

Random Thoughts Time

There are only a few things that I hate worse than racism and one of them is doing the dishes.


Whitey three o'clock


*Random Thoughts Time is sponsored by Palmolive: for fresher, brighter returns.

I got a BIG brain bitch

The other night fucking talking with dudes I know about Guns, Germs, and Steel. Ever read it? I didn't really think so.

Anyway.

Jeri Diamond (the author) was on some old 'some word i forget' confirmation mess said this one crazy dude who's crib we bitch other people out at. Said damn Diamond don't do da damn thing and is using the already determined course of history to try and justify bitch ass Western Europe who be all on a colonial tip up until the mid-20th century.


Mad generic or came correct?

But yo, should a scene this biddy my holmes was trying ta freak who was over at the bat lair. Banging son. Like GZA/RZA cd's. That serious. I would not lie. I WOULD NOT LIE!


Wu-Tang 4life!

Anyway.

My other boy, who had been flipping the fine dime every which way but loose (remember that one? clint eastwood hard as hell and that monkey? a fool yo) he was talking bout Africa gotsta get dem selves in check and shit. They done let euro trash come over there all flagrant like, nuns bo-guarding through the sahara and giving brothers bad land rights deals. Then they got to be on some old Mugabe mess just to correct the piece. But the one crazy dude paused that mess quick and was quick like to be africans tooks the shiz-nit from the euro trash that they wanted cause they wanted it and how Western Europe explored and colon-iz-ized just because they went through they natural resources on the quickeness and required otha lands to replenish they's advancing needs. Word like how they'd start chewing on veal like it was the trump tight shit but to get the veal you gotta kill the animal young so there is wasted meat and shit. I know I want that damn new PS2 they rocking right now. My motherfuckin' motherfucka who live in eurodisney and shit talking bout there a bad ass version out there right now. I'm like cuz, just like them africans. All over that. give me dat cause i want it and while you at it hows about one of dem phat amsterdam blunts and that Page Six bitch from the WWE show I watched last week when they was in London.


Sipping on some apple juice and shit I bet yo


Monkey love

Anyway.

They was on some old let's argue all night long but i you can read dudes book and maybe ya'll can get wit the knowledge we was spittin the other night. Jeri "Diamonds is forever" gots mo' other books if you ain't already decided on his ass from me already yo.


{Cheap Ali G imitation yo.}